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Spotted (Tips to crash in an uninvited wedding)

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Crime- Crashing in an uninvited wedding.

Motive- Awesome food, cure boredom, repulsion from mess.

Crime partners- Maximum 4 at a wedding( but just the two together)

GOLDEN RULE-Dress like it’s your brother’s wedding(no cousin won’t do, it has to be a real brother).

Well I made sure the golden rule was fulfilled.

“Choitram Chouraha, Silver Oak Garden, we are here.” said Ankur. Along with him were Mohit and Jeetu.

They had spotted a marriage garden to spot in.You could find several at choitram.

“Reaching in 5” I replied. As promised Me and Prashant started over for the venue. “Jindal Pariwaar welcomes You” emerged blood red on a yellow thermocol sheet as we reached there.

Which brings us to the..

SILVER RULE-Read the names of the Bride and Groom and choose a side .You and your friend should definitely on the same side.I chose groom’s.

The trio(Ankur, Jeetu, Mohit) had entered. It was time for us to crash in. A couple dressed in blinding dresses were at the enterance with folded hands and 32-teeth set smile. We guessed them to be the groom’s parents. That’s when Prashant told me the first rule.

1.Expressions at enterance-Smile not to feebly to be judged wrong for the occasion but not so much for them to judge you to be too right.

And I remember another rule too, which sure is obvious  but I don’t want something bad happening to you that happened to a friend of mine whom I keep anonymous.

2. Do not crash the wedding before the arrival of “Barat/ the groom’s side”.

As we entered further which was like a corridor and at the end we saw another couple with a broad smile as the couple before. On the way in which Prashant’s voice was overshadowed by my heart beat, I felt the distance in yards. “This is wrong, a totally aweful idea”..somehow I pictured a demon over my head say that. “Shut up, this is very innocent, all you are trying to do is escape from the mess food, nothing wrong”….this was an angel over my head..Damn, I believe in angels. What Prashant was saying was somehow..next rule.

3. Do some homely gestures that you do to elders at your home.

Prashant said.. “Namaste aunty, Namaste uncle” acknowledging them separately, a sense of respect. Later we came to know that Jeetu went on to the next level-hugged that uncle. I had relied on another technique.. which is totally dumb for amateurs which happens to be the next rule.

4.Just keep your phone on your ears and ask your imaginary uncle where he is. Be natural and make sure the phone does’nt ring while you talk.

Phewww….200 people.. I can totally get lost, I am good at that. More than 40 varieties of food, I can do with that. Baby, I’m on my way.

The excitement was on the nerves. Every man dressed in Black tuxedo seemed like an FBI agent and every woman dressed in a sari seemed like a wicked soap opera’s characters. Together they seemed hunting for the Party crashers-a national level issue.

5. More than 2 should not stay together at a wedding. Remember –here a random girl company is more reliable than a long time friend. Don’t ask why, you know why! Nobody suspects girls.

Now we were eating. Just that. I don’t want to allure you with the variety. I’ll pass .Now while we were enjoying the crisp brownie which I came across first time in a wedding , we spotted the trio. Now see, here’s the fun part. They literally glanced through us. They did not ‘appear’ to recognize us. hmmmm….i resisted a laugh and shamelessly asked for another brownie.

Somehow , the photographer was focussing too much on us. While I was smiling for the camera ,Prashant moved away. When I asked he told me the next rule.

6. How photo frenzy you may be or beautiful/handsome,please for heavenly sake, Don’t pose on this occasion. You don’t want to star in the whole video with both bride and groom wondering about your identity when they watch it on their honeymoon.

I stole some time to talk to Ankur who usually is the most jolly person I’ve met, looked in trouble.. he began “Vibhor, remember we went on spot yesterday too??” “yes so what?” I enquired. “that was this very  family’s ladies sangeet and the man who was glaring at us now is doing the same today!”..Damn this Ankur! I followed his eyes only to get stink eyes from a man who looked like Ghajini.

I asked Prashant, a real maestro at wedding crash, who told me to..

7.Blend in-Usually in Indian weddings,people circle around having dinner. Join them but do not participate. Just make a mirage for an onlooker that you are one of them. We did the same and rather perfectly. Ghajini must have winked.

With the final delicacy-The Paan we went to the exit. Prashant, the saviour instructed..

8. Just walk out behind an exiting couple so that you appear to be their child. Or that sheepish mobile trick again.

I ran out of the whole garden until i felt was out of Area-51.

Hence, concluded was my first crash. Thank you friends. I promised it to be the last. The promise was’nt kept. A few days later , I found myself being the maestro myself and instructing my friends Kunal and Prakhar on their first crash. 😛

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Revealing true colours

People think of a whole lot reasons to thank God, viz.  creating parents, the mighty mountains and the cunning river..well I couldn’t agree more to that but the thing that is rarely acknowledged is “COLOURS” that provides eternal beauty to the mother earth. Colours can be a powerful tool in understanding oneself ..usually it goes like “think of a colour and picture what comes first to you”.. it maybe anything but it should be appealing… thinking about a colour and thinking randomly may prove to be gibberish and not genuine. Instead if you just typed the colour name on GOOGLE IMAGES and typed the colour and picked a pic that is appealing to you might be a good exercise. Well ,I did it.

RED

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Angry Birds has been one of the most addictive and appealing game to me. I can picture myself having quality time with the birds. I once tried sketching the birds and the red one was the best drawn.

ImageSanta Claus has been an integral part of me growing up. I remember myself dressing up as him for the school play. My mother made me wear the sweaters inside so that I looked chubby. Can’t Santa just be in shape?

BLACK

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A black Lamborghini, a childhood fantasy, a dream to be fulfilled. Very appealing to me.

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A vast multitude twinkling confidently in the emptiness. Unresolved secrets, unacknowledged mysteries, U.F.O.s ,aliens, even Krypton, I searched for all of them.

GREEN

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Is it The Green Lantern or Ryan Reynolds that is more appeling to me, I will vote for the latter. Big fan, Keep up the good work.

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Monsier, we met once on my way to the keyboard class. Our eyes met and I cycled away as fast as I could. You should not wear green, it freaks me out. Since then I gave you the title of “worst nightmare ever”. Kudos.

 YELLOW

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In my aquarium. We cried when you passed away. R.I.P. you are missed.

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Watched you on routine when I was schooling. Nothing could get yellower than you guys. That makes me wonder, why don’t I date you guys again at Star World.

 BLUE

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Titanic. Kate Winslet  frozen. Scares the nerves to be in the arms of the Atlantic.

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Appeals to everybody

Guys, these are just some basic colours. It was enough for me to get a whole flashback of the memoirs. Try if it does the same magic for you.

An opportuniste aftermath

Damini or Nirbhaya or Amanat –India didn’t care what her name was and didn’t need any other stimulus to trigger the sanguine of benevolence to rush through their veins to a genuine wrath which could be seen as black out day at Jantar Mantar or the protests by Southall Black Sisters in London or the protests outside the Rashtrapati Bhawan ,the effect was phenomenal and breath-taking. Pepper sprays, stun guns sales rose and debates on self defence were the the chartbusters. Tears rolled down the cheeks and a roar of gust made its way through the throats of people now dry. Facebook profile pics beautifully donned black dot at the centre of white milieu .Open discussions, status shares beat IAC clearly by 3:1.A dynamic and aware subject of the sentimental state was evident. The aftermath was glorious, not in a literary sense but it promised order out of chaos which was an exception. But this spree of fortunate events was halted by the opportuniste forces that tried to persuade the wind to their will. And thus instead of learning and acting gracefully on a disgraceful event, we saw a whole new set of controversies and the subject became too gibberish to recall.

As a matter of fact, Between December 16th(the day the incident took place) and January 4th, 501 calls for harrasment and 64 calls for rape were recorded by the Delhi Police, but just 4 were followed by inquiries but one could never find this in newspaper or television channels. Instead we saw the front page news of Asaram Bapu who stated that  “The girl should have taken God’s name and could have held the hand of one of the men and said, ‘I consider you my brother’ and to the other two, she should have said, ‘Brothers, I am helpless. You are my brothers, my religious brothers’. Then the misconduct wouldn’t have happened.”The remarks led to condemnation across the political spectrum, although Asaram later explained, “I only meant that had even one of the six accused taken ‘diksha’ (initiation into his religious teachings), the crime would not have occurred.” Asaram helped wind his way. A whole lot of time was spent on everything but the prime subject, a real doomsday for an otherwise needy state.

Instead of helping the needy girls in the namesake ‘fastrack courts’, all one could find same content on two consecutive days that Shashi Tharoor, union minister, suggested that if the parents had no objection, her identity could be made public, with a view to showing respect for her courageous response by naming future laws after her, but Tharoor’s remark created controversy. In adieu with my title, I cannot judge whether Shashi Tharoor or his counter-attacks were opportuniste but some-one was, that is important. The important thing is that the-need- of-the-hour was not fulfilled and who cares what her name was. Will it make a difference in your sentiments if she doesn’t belong to your religion, your caste, your maternity? She is an Indian goddamnit! And let me tell you her real name is Jyoti! Duh! Similarly It is hard for me to judge if Sheila Dikshit, was personally behind the decision to shift was taken when it was already clear that she would not survive the next 48 hours. Union Minister P. Chidambaram had stated that the woman was not in a condition to move. Some reports suggest that the decision to shift was taken when it was already clear that she would not survive the next 48 hours.

Also amidst the chaos, Raj Thackeray blamed the “Bihari” migrants to be the cause of the rape. All that was needed was the words to be blessed from his moth, media followed accordingly. Raj got what his wanted and easily took an unfair match point.

It’s obviously a regretful moment for India, to which the world sees as the ideal ethical state. Amidst the criticisms, India should stand tall and learn from the disgrace that has been brought into instead of flashing bizarre comments and becoming quick celebrities or to use it for their interests. Nobody but we can judge or protect ourselves. Enough has been said and done and everyone is a know-all in the matter now.Make India a better state, start with YOU.

Dream a simple dream of me

(We all have some unfulfilled dreams but we cannot give up on them spontaneously …there is a right time for us to dream again and our passion shall drive us ahead)

It’s all i’ve ever asked for,not because i need it but it’s because i was a part of  you the whole time and now is the right time,for you to dream,a simple dream of me.What started as a little seedling between your neurons to an intelligent hint to a minor confusion to a major trauma needs to be transformed,to be irrigated deep in the roots of the dendrites under the lush of hair which is definitely optional….dreams do fall for the bald too….skeptic speculation and thinking of the people who matter to you kept you from me but i was always an alternative in your brain,an alternative you  could’nt get rid of  because you are incomplete without me.but it’s not too late…all it takes is a dream which should definitely not be confused by sleep,you are already doing it more than natural.Cherish the moment since very less does life offer second chance to rectify itself..and you are the beloved person blessed with the opportunity..Dreaming is not just it,it will bring no change in your life other than some random doodling and long-thought-with-blank-stare moments..next is living the dream, the dream of me..your long lost ambition that is not a result of suggestion,recommendation,opportuniste or force..it’s a part of THE you, the one you coud’nt help without..Shout if it takes,Fight if it takes,Rebel if it takes,Move out if it takes because that’s what it’s worth..Don’t negotiate,Don’t procastinate,Don’t materialise me snce i will only die and be consumed in the bulbous swamp of your oblongata..Don’t rethink..Live yourself …Dream a simple dream of me.

What has life to offer for me?

Beside a fortune teller almost dressed like a wizard with only a well earned armani belt which breaks the myth,holding your tender hands,the words too harsh for the young flesh,the wide-eye stare even too radiant for the lines on the palm to hide from the gaze,being too embarrased to take birth back to when you were born and folded your fist day and night….and then to my amazement,out of nowhere, the golden words are blessed from your mouth…”what has life to offer for me?”.What was the fault of a substance called ‘life’ that the hoardings proudly display in commercial phrases like “life in hands” or “more fore life” or a teenage son i can see from the window fighting with father as“Stop interfaring with my life”(yeah,keep your windows closed the next time).. and even variation of verb forms ‘live’ as “live today” and many similar that mind’s reflex is to ignore or assign it a garbage value ,what was the charm of this four letter word that it is all over in biology textbooks and moral sciences yet it deserves a part in the question to the fortune-teller?Why is it being asked to offer something to you?

If i continue this ‘lay-man’ discussion as an Avatar alien  that can understand verbs and some but does’nt understand the meaning of nouns,just knows the definition feeded into it’s database,so after considering ourselves as big blue aliens with big ponytails,we can remove any assumptions that we know the meaning of life and as we go in flashbacks as pandorians to the beginning of the passage and relook the conversation, we may well say that why you are asking life to offer something for you,why not you offer something to life?

Or rather a reframed question would be “Did you ever do anything that you deserve something from life if at all it is a giver?Did you ever make your life worth to be rewarded?What is the answer?A positive or a negative?Well if it’s a yes,you are a person confident of your abilities but you are yet longing for gifts from life….that’s maybe because you are overestimating your worth…..or maybe you are a confident person,well rewarded too, that’s also a fair possibility.If your answer is No,Tell me,what right do you have to expect?

Now a question arises-Is at all life a giver?Because if it is, then we should start expecting……Now if we consider the responses from a random mob would be according to the personal experiences of people who are divided as on the optimism or pessimism to the starting subject..so that’s not how it should go-every human opinion would sound biased…the better and rather safer thing would be to give the ‘all-giver’ life your best to bestow the gifts upon and of course worth to mention –‘if at all life is a giver’ else you have still nothing to lose…so expect the gift not less than a thousand splendid suns and please life that you’re worth it..

As Fast,So Slow

(Mortality is the law of nature…when senelity becomes senescence,a  whole  flashback  of  lively  events  and  regretful  memories  in the span of eighty years last only for a few seconds in memory when life is amidst trance of the void between life and death..the reflex of mind is to compare between the two extremes when time is passing as fast,so slow)

 

Where have those days gone,leaving me  here all alone?

Where is the fresh breeze that soothed  the green lush?

The breeze that merrily waved my nostril hair

Now i have only a mask left me gaping for some more air.

Where is  the  chirping of birds,the sound  of laugh,the cry?

The sound of rain,breath and the voice so profound

Now is only the rhythmic pulse of  my heart and steps on ground

Where has the cake,the balloons,the claps gone?

The cake having finite candles and some chocolate

Now all i have a spectacled friend in white robe smiling feebly on my terrible fate

Where did that good-bye go?

The encouraging hand that waved to let me leave to earn

Now all i have is a lamenting mourn

Where is the twinkle in the eyes on coming back home?

The  twinkle followed by a salt river noting scars on my face

Now there is just a ceiling fan  that enjoys my long gaze.

When did my sons grow up so rapid?

So grown up that they threw ugly tantrums  on me

Now their picture at the side-table i’am straining so hard to see Do they even remember the time?

the time i tought them to be brave

will they ever even see my grave?

When did the eighty years fly so fast?

The years of youth,responsibility,hues,smiles so bright

Now is only pale skin,dizzy vision and wait for that final white light…….

When will that light glow?

 

When time is passing as fast,so slow…….

 

Will it ever rain again?

(Rain  drenches  on  earth  and as  it  eases  the  earth  so  does  the life……hence  rain  is  a  metaphor  soothing  both  the  material  and  abstract  world…..here  is  my  little  ode  to rain)

Will  the  clouds  part again to  give  that  rare  blues?

When  shall  the  life  show up it’s  full  hues?

When  will  even  the  most  barren  fulfill  their  thirst?

When  will  our  temple  get  rid  of  that  awful  lust?

When  will  the  heart  pour  out  the  pain?

Will  it  ever  rain  again ?

Will   the  blue  eyes  ever  be  dry?

Shall  it  meet  the  one  for whom  they  have  done  all  but  pry?

Will  the drop impergnate  into  our  skin?

Will  the  fish in my couldron  finally use their fins?

Will  the  merry  eyes  that  once  admired  them  be  back  again?

Will  it  ever  rain  again?

Will  the  lips  again  be  mellow  and  dewy?

Will  it  still  hold  the  courage  against  the  treachery?

Will  the  words  again  be  so hard  to  bless?

When  will  the  horses  run  without  the  harness?

When  will  those  petty lagoons  finally  gain?

Will  it ever  rain  again?

Will  the  heat  finally be beaten?

Will  the  rush ,for a moment be slowen?

Will  the  water with  take all the dirt away?

Will  it  drain all  our vices  when it sways?

When  will  the  sanguine  fluid  finally  breeze  in  our veins?

Will  it  ever  rain  again?

Will  the  paws  again  have  that  strength?

Will  they  have  blood  enough  to  cross  the  length?

Will  the  road  to  glory ever  flash?

Will  the  feet ever experience  that  aquatic  splash?

Shall  the mind  ever come  to  sane?

Will it ever rain again?